I'm outside playing with the puppy who is a complete maniac!
It's still adorable though.
(her taking a break!)
I had another bad night. I went to both American eagle and old navy, and nothing fit. Not even the 14. It's frustrating because I don't feel fat, but I guess I am. Yesterday I went crazy too. Not only did I eat enchiladas, but also guacamole chips sour patch kids and peanut m&ms . Make my total not including the salad with chicken 250 1800. With the salad I am over 2000. That is over 800 over my limit. Today I can only have 400 to balance it out, and I already had a 200 cal latte, so I will be having some cottage cheese (140) and a big salad with a little bit of chicken (60) before work. August is over and I have yet to see any results. I'm going to be cautiously optimistic about September. I am just going to have to take this one day at a time.
I guess I have to remember a few things:
Hunger isn't bad ( necessarily).
When in doubt eat protein.
Exercise is the only way to start seeing the scale move faster.
Stay hydrated.
I don't even want to eat today. Maybe I just won't.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.
as i nosh on my soup carb dinner (pho with shirataki noodles) i can say that i am doing exceedingly well with the low carb business.
I am actually enjoying it too, because it really cuts out crap and makes me feel better. It has also stopped weight fluctuations. Meaning that I consistently stayed at 186.1 this week. Boo.
However, I just got a new waitressing job, and that should help with my activity level, especially since I am going to walk to work and take the bus home (saving money).
This job will also make me look nice everyday because if i didn't shower or put a face on, i would scare away my customers.
I haven't been very physically attracted to bubby lately. In fact, last night the cheating thing came up in my mind. I don't know what's wrong with me. Well, I know... he needs to clean up too.
I wish I could tell him that if he bought his contacts and got his hair cut every 6 weeks like i asked that I would probably be more attracted. His sloppy red neck attire doesn't really help either.
But I can't just say this as i run around gross looking. I have to make a change and then say that I constantly dress up for him and look nice and he doesn't try.
grumble. either way when i check in again, hopefully i will have lost a pound or two and have a better report.
going to:
go to the gym.
cut out carbs (sad food)
going to shower everyday even if i don't need to
put on moisturizer and mascara
apply to 7 jobs a week
teach the puppy it's my house and my rules
get my life and relationship on track
eat in a way that doesn't make me feel like shit
weigh in only once a week
save the internet for bedtime
keep the bedroom and house clean
be perfect again.
Only today I conceptualized that idea of calling my ex (who i had an extremely tomoultuous and dysfunctional relationship with) to have a fling of sorts. This means I'm bored. This means that I need to do something with my life that is positive to not destroy other things in my life.
I would never do it, I love Tony too much, plain and simple, but i can't ignore this. I have had too many dreams the past few months that involves infidelity. I think it has to do with the fact that I am restless in other aspects of my life. I also think whenever I was restless with a boyfriend, it was usually because i was unhappy with myself, but now that I realize i am unhappy with myself i am unsure how to cope. Unfortunately cheating, or finding a new man of interest is the only way i know how to cope, which is now causing me distress.
I would die if i cheated on Tony. He is the best thing in the world to me.
I'm such an asshole. why would i write these things?
not even about the weight, but with everything.
I feel like i lost my identity when i moved out of boston/ lost my job. I'm not left with the sad mediocrity. I used to do stuff, I used to have a place on the social food chain. Now I'm just me. boring me sitting in my kitchen yelling at the puppy to not eat the cat shit in the litter box.
I don't go out anymore because I don't have money to or am too tired. I don't work out and still just eat what ever i want. i don't take pride in my appearance because my boyfriend doesn't care if i look like shit or not.
I have absolutely no direction and i don't know what to do about it.
But i don't even know what's going to make me happy anymore.
I finished the day at a little over 1500 calories, but i went to the gym and did 50 mins of cardio (588) so it wasn't terrible.
I slipped up with crackers, cheese, wine, salty hummus at my mom's best friend's house. So now I know I need to have a game plan when i go there and don't sit in front of food. It's all a learning experience.
Wednesday I am going to have to go really light on salt and calories but keep the protein high. this means NO sugar, crackers or carbs as well.
I'm starting myself off with a smoothie of greek yogurt (70) skim milk (40) berries (50). it's got 14g protein and 160 cals which ain't bad at all.
I am actually kind of glad that I am cutting out more calories because i haven't been been feeling super hungry. So now i am interested to see how low i can go with out feeling like i am starving.
Verrrry happy with my results! All in all I had an intake of 1200 and a burn of 800 putting my net gain at 400!!
I lost a pound during my workout today and am going to the gym tomorrow morning working out for 30 mins and walking the dog again so I will only burn around 375 but still, I better see a difference!!
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
yesterday was a complete success. not only did i have only 1250 cals but i did it while going out to dinner (had appetizers!) and traveling.
kept it low carb too!
veggie egg white flatbread from dunkin for breakfast
little but of chicken veggies and 1/2 piece of corn bread for lunch
more chicken with a slice of Fried green tomato, deviled eggs (yum), collards and a tomato cucumber salad.
decided to night cap with some pudding too!!
im going to the gym at for a class this morning, and I'm super excited to start putting on some muscle.
No more vegan, or juice fasts or cabbage soups.
just 5 meals consisting of around 250 cals.
Im going to try to take in more protein and "smart carbs".
I'm also going to start taking toning classes.
I had a late start to the day but so far its going well with my 140 cal chobani yogurt.
2 movies and a nice looooong walk (6 miles) did us well!
I ate a lot though :(
SPK' 275
reeses pieces 400
popcorn 400 (smart food and movie theatre)
starburst 150
3 eggs 210
toast 200
hashbrowns 250
beer 200
salad 100
pasta with oil and clams 500
2600... wow. even if a took the walk into account, i had 2000!
today i have had
1/4c nuts 150
dried fruit 250
and i only intend on eating a little more say 300. Gotta rectify the damage.
Update: probably going to bubby's bar for dinner. Score. I love their salads.
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